After I woke up from coma in 1979 I was feeling very calm and peaceful on a certain level, but on the level of ego consciousness my mind was shattered into million pieces. I had a feeling that the foundations of my life that had been supporting me before the stroke had collapsed, and everything that I supposed to know about life seemed in a completely different light.

For me the need to write about things was purely motivated by my desire to get connected with the calm and peaceful side of myself, who didn’t seem to be a bit distracted by my broken ego.
In the beginning writing was “only” therapy for me and it helped me to become comfortable about myself. By the time I moved into the first own apartment I had already written my story about two times. In own apartment I had a whole new experience when I could concentrate undisturbed on writing.

When I was engrossed in writing everything around me vanished from my sight. It didn’t disturb me that my table was too small and there was no place to put the sheets of paper, that the typewriter ribbons fell on the floor. Hours passed by, turning day into night. At the next moment it was dawning. I became aware of the physical reality as the alarm clock was ringing and I thought that it was time to go to sleep. At the same time I remembered that I had forgotten to hang up my laundry on the clothesline. Water in the potato kettle I had placed on the stove hours earlier had evaporated and the potatoes had become charred. But nothing could suppress my joy of having a new pile of papers to read.

When I begun to write I often had a clear idea of what I wanted to write. When I was engrossed in writing the story begun to make its own paths. I had a feeling that I had no control over the writing process. When I read the story I had written it showed me my situation from a completely new angle that I was not able to think before.

After this had happened several times I became a feeling that I was engaged in dialogue with myself. Later I didn’t even try to edit or structure my texts on the ego consciousness level. My task was only to write that what my inner being wanted to say.

In the long run the feeling that I didn’t have control over myself made me apply for linguistic and language studies. I had to learn what is behind words. I wanted to be able to control myself so that I would naturally structure my writing according to the voice of my inner being. I believe that this is the purpose of creative writing: We try to get connected with our inner being, who is the inexhaustible fountain of life.

In this summer this writing project will move one step forward when I will write my first e-book. My goal is to collect the thoughts that are scattered in the articles of this blog in legible and compact form. The book will be a survival guide for people who are living in the middle of crisis. The purpose of the book is to help people find a short way to make a whole of a shattered mind so that everyone gets connected with own internal powers and can efficiently improve own well-being and that of others.