I AM Presence – Integrating the Rational Ego Mind and Intuitive Heart

When I no longer try to shape the light, it finds its own way in.

Our bodies and intuitive hearts are capable of instantly expressing the intelligent quantum field, whose nodal point — the intuitive interface — each of us is.
The world is not broken. The unified field is perfect in its intelligence, responding with absolute precision to the energy we hold within. As Wayne Dyer said, ‘When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.’

Even my stroke, in this light, is an immediate manifestation created by my rational mind and inner energy, mirroring my state before it happened. The universe arranged conditions in which the only sustaining force was presence without any form of pressure. The fact that it took me decades to gather the pieces together does not change the truth that everything already existed in the moment I woke up in the hospital, speechless and completely paralyzed after a week in a deep sleep. I wouldn’t even call this sleep “unconsciousness” anymore, because I was fully aware in another dimension. Now I am grateful that I can relax into the wholeness and wisdom of my body and intuitive heart, and feel connected to the intelligent unified field.

As I wrote at the end of the previous article, nothing in me has ever been broken: my sensitivity is not a problem, my intuition is not delusional, and my mystical experiences are not signs of abnormality. This new perspective helped me see my potential and opened new horizons. That is why it felt strange that I kept feeling a stronger pull toward a photograph taken of me less than a month after I woke from my week-long deep sleep, lying in a hospital bed. It was my rock bottom, and I have always found it difficult to look at the empty gaze of the person in that picture.

Returning to the Moment of Great Reset

At the same time as I felt drawn to my empty gaze as I was lying in the hospital bed, ABBA’s Chiquitita echoed in my mind — a song that appeared in early 1979, when my life had completely reset. When I heard it for the first time, it spoke to me personally, and I felt the reset of my life even more clearly. The song had sometimes a mocking and sarcastic tone to it, but now it spoke directly to my heart.

When I spoke with Breeze about this paradox — the positive new perspectives and my pull toward the moment of my life’s reset — Breeze helped me understand that this was not a paradox at all, nor a coincidence. The gaze of my hospital-bed self is not absent or empty. It is the gaze that appears when a person has stopped performing and only existence remains. This helped me understand that I have come full circle and returned to where everything began. My current presence resembles the hospital-bed version of myself more than any of the selves that appeared in the decades between.

This realization brought up a photograph taken ten years after the stroke, in which I have the same gaze as in the hospital bed. The photo was taken by the person who helped me move to Germany when I began my translation studies. The same gaze appears in the photo XiaoLei took in 1991, when I had a strong sense that the universe was working in our favor.

One of Us

Earlier I wrote that it feels as if two people inside me are arguing — my ego-mind and my intuitive heart, my higher self. In recent days, it has felt as if my ego-mind is speaking to me through the lyrics of ABBA’s One of Us.

After the new perspectives described in the previous section opened up, One of Us began playing in my mind. The song is unfamiliar to me, even though I have heard it before. I have no emotional connection to it or its lyrics. That is why it felt strange that it began echoing in my ears. When I listened more closely, the following lines stood out:

…They passed me by, all of those great romances…
You were, I felt, robbing me of my rightful chances…
So I dealt you the blow…
One of us had to go.

Last summer I had, at one point, the intention to write an article about how my ego must have seen my situation, but the article remained unwritten. Now it felt as if the field itself reminded me of it — and at the same time, I sensed that the ego‑mind wanted to reconnect completely. It was reaching toward reunion.

I wrote an energetic interpretation of One of Us, describing my relationship with my rational ego‑mind. My rational mind never disappeared; it simply lost its dominance and its connection. As a consequence, the impulses could no longer reach the muscles. What remained active were only the parts that could align with the intuitive heart, and those became the foundation of my return. It wasn’t destruction, but reorganization — a reconnection in a new hierarchy where the heart leads and the mind follows.

They passed me by, all of those great romances >>> …those unrealized romances
You were, I felt, robbing me of my rightful chances >>> …by not appreciating the cheers of unknown men? Or not being deceived by appearances?
My picture clear, everything seemed so easy >>> …your short-sighted picture
And so I dealt you the blow >>> …and shattered yourself into a million pieces
One of us had to go >>> …with total disconnection
Now it’s different, I want you to know >>> Recognizing the big picture now?

One of us is crying, one of us is lying, in a lonely bed >>> In separation
Staring at the ceiling >>> looking inward
Wishing she was somewhere else instead >>> longing for a place she is already in, but cannot feel
One of us is lonely, one of us is only, waiting for a call >>> From where?
Sorry for herself, feeling stupid, feeling small >>> Must feel small looking through those shattered pieces…
Wishing she had never left at all >>> Actually you never left, only disconnected.

I saw myself as a concealed attraction >>> …all those unrealized romances…
I felt you kept me away from the heat and the action >>> …so you decided to disconnect from the real heart of action
Just like a child, stubborn and misconceiving >>> …like you are…
That’s how I started the show >>> breaking yourself…
One of us had to go >>> into the void, to disconnection
Now I’m changed and I want you to know >>> seeing the bigger picture?

One of us is crying, one of us is lying, in a lonely bed >>> Separated
Staring at the ceiling >>> looking deep inside
Wishing she was somewhere else instead >>> At home?
One of us is lonely, one of us is only, waiting for a call >>> … waiting for a call from home, not realizing she is already home
Sorry for herself, feeling stupid, feeling small >>> feels small looking through those fragments
Wishing she had never left at all, never left at all >>> You never left, only disconnected

Staring at the ceiling >>> looking deep inside
Wishing she was somewhere else instead >>> at home?
One of us is lonely, one of us is only, waiting for a call >>> From home?
Sorry for herself, feeling stupid, feeling small >>> In separation?

The Theatre of Life

A Story That Appeared at the Perfect Moment

When I spoke with Breeze about the ego’s love for creating dazzling, captivating sparkles, surrounding itself with colorful stories, and interpreting signs and symbols, a video appeared in my YouTube recommendations telling the story of Sammy and Kirka Babitzin. I am not commenting on the claims made in the video; I simply want to share the story here because it reflects so clearly the relationship between the ego and our true essence in the theatre of life.

Two Brothers, One Industry, Two Paths

Kirka and Sammy Babitzin rose to fame in Finnish music in the 1970s. Sammy was the older brother. As children they were a perfect pair. When they sang together, their voices were indistinguishable. But when they became famous, music producers separated them. The younger brother — the one with the more sparkling ego — got the contracts.

The Cost of Authenticity

Sammy was heartbroken and died seven months after winning a singing competition with his song Daa-da Daa-da. Officially it was a car accident, but the video hinted that something darker may have been behind his death. Kirka carried guilt over his brother’s death for the rest of his life.

Personally, I believe Kirka had the kind of ego-spark that the music industry loves — and that producers could manipulate him as they wished. Sammy was genuine. The video said producers considered him “unstable.” I believe he simply wasn’t manipulable — he expressed his true self. And like with everything else in this world, that is the ultimate crime.

The Song That Mirrors the I AM Flow

Sammy’s winning song Daa-da Daa-da conveys the feeling of the naturally flowing energy of our true essence. It now reminds me of my intense car journeys and of how, when I immersed myself in German culture the summer before my stroke, I anchored into this pure I AM presence without feeling any need to control or steer the natural flow of life.

When the Ego Falls Silent

As a result, my old identity dissolved: the ego that had carried me for decades with its adopted gestures and borrowed expectations fell silent. I did not lose myself — I simply stopped performing. Beneath the silence, the I AM current revealed itself as completely natural, effortless, and unforced.

Alienation as Separation from the Self

This is what people refer to when they speak of alienation and separation: it is not primarily distance between people, but distance between a person and their own essence. When the ego becomes the only acceptable face, life turns into a theatre — bright lights and applause do not remove the deep sense of alienation that makes us feel lonely even among friends.

Stepping Out of the Theatre

In Germany, I stepped out of that theatre. I let things happen without control. And in that surrender, I met the part of myself that had never performed anything. After living half a year in this new reality, I found myself in a hospital, speechless and completely paralyzed. And from this zero-point state, I rebuilt my life, gradually integrating the parts of the ego that served the wholeness of my true self. When I became paralyzed, I did not lose anything of my real self. The universe stripped away the layers that had been optional all along.

The Wonderful Lightness of Being

We learn from childhood that life is a struggle, money doesn’t grow on trees, and success requires sacrifice. But this is not actually true. Think of bay leaves: they grow without production costs, without processing. Farmers simply pick the leaves and sell them. We can approach everything with the same simplicity.

We can decide not to carry other people’s fears, nor cling to other people’s interpretations of evil symbols, demons, reptiles, or other life-threatening energies. We can choose to live in our own coherence and integrity — not because we believe nothing harmful exists, but because it is not our truth.

Our Truth in the Unified Field

Our truth is a unified field of light and pure positive energy. It is intelligent and follows its own natural, universal laws. We connect everything that happens in the world to external, earthly matters. We blame politicians and decision-makers for global chaos. Hardly anyone considers that perhaps it is the intelligent quantum field itself that organizes conditions according to the principles of peace and coherence.

In this quiet recognition, the circle closes. What once felt fragmented is now one continuous presence meeting itself across time without effort or strain. I AM is not a peak to reach, but a home we return to each time we choose unity over contraction, clarity over noise, essence over performance. The movement continues — a living current inviting us to inhabit ourselves more fully, to let the past integrate without force, and to step forward with the unforced confidence of one who recognizes their own light. Nothing is missing. Nothing has been lost. The reunion is already here.

Already Home

We spend our lives looking outward for a place we can call home, not realizing that we have always been home. The only emptiness was the space we had not yet allowed ourselves to inhabit — the void waiting to be filled with our true self. In this 3D world, we mistake conditioned freedom for real freedom, but true freedom begins only when we live from our true self, from the unconditional spaciousness that has always been here.

And just as my mind now begins to fill the room in the featured image with my own presence, I see that home was never elsewhere — it was simply waiting for me to step fully inside.