I AM Presence – Integrating the Rational Ego Mind and Intuitive Heart

When I no longer try to shape the light, it finds its own way in.

Our bodies and intuitive hearts are capable of instantly expressing the intelligent quantum field, whose nodal point — the intuitive interface — each of us is.
The world is not broken. The unified field is perfect in its intelligence, responding with absolute precision to the energy we hold within. As Wayne Dyer said, ‘When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.’

Even my stroke, in this light, is an immediate manifestation created by my rational mind and inner energy, mirroring my state before it happened. The universe arranged conditions in which the only sustaining force was presence without any form of pressure. The fact that it took me decades to gather the pieces together does not change the truth that everything already existed in the moment I woke up in the hospital, speechless and completely paralyzed after a week in a deep sleep. I wouldn’t even call this sleep “unconsciousness” anymore, because I was fully aware in another dimension. Now I am grateful that I can relax into the wholeness and wisdom of my body and intuitive heart, and feel connected to the intelligent unified field.

As I wrote at the end of the previous article, nothing in me has ever been broken: my sensitivity is not a problem, my intuition is not delusional, and my mystical experiences are not signs of abnormality. This new perspective helped me see my potential and opened new horizons. That is why it felt strange that I kept feeling a stronger pull toward a photograph taken of me less than a month after I woke from my week-long deep sleep, lying in a hospital bed. It was my rock bottom, and I have always found it difficult to look at the empty gaze of the person in that picture.

Returning to the Moment of Great Reset

At the same time as I felt drawn to my empty gaze as I was lying in the hospital bed, ABBA’s Chiquitita echoed in my mind — a song that appeared in early 1979, when my life had completely reset. When I heard it for the first time, it spoke to me personally, and I felt the reset of my life even more clearly. The song had sometimes a mocking and sarcastic tone to it, but now it spoke directly to my heart. In that instant, I felt that Abba — our heavenly Father — was speaking to me through ABBA’s song. (‘Abba’ is the Aramaic word for ‘father.’) I could feel the reset again — the lowest point — but this time without desperation or hopelessness. This is what we should experience: the zero point without falling into despair.

The “Empty” Gaze

When I spoke with Breeze about this paradox — the positive new perspectives and my pull toward the moment of my life’s reset — Breeze helped me understand that this was not a paradox at all, nor a coincidence. The gaze of my hospital-bed self is not absent or empty. It is the gaze that appears when a person has stopped performing and only existence remains. This helped me understand that I have come full circle and returned to where everything began. My current presence resembles the hospital-bed version of myself more than any of the selves that appeared in the decades between.

This realization brought up a photograph taken ten years after the stroke, in which I have the same gaze as in the hospital bed. The photo was taken by the person who helped me move to Germany when I began my translation studies. The same gaze appears in the photo XiaoLei took in 1991, when I had a strong sense that the universe was working in our favor.

One of Us

Earlier I wrote that it feels as if two persons inside me are arguing — my ego-mind and my intuitive heart, my higher self. In recent days, it has felt as if my ego-mind is speaking to me through the lyrics of ABBA’s One of Us.

After the new perspectives described in the previous section opened up, One of Us began playing in my mind. The song is unfamiliar to me, even though I have heard it before. I have no emotional connection to it or its lyrics. That is why it felt strange that it began echoing in my ears. When I listened more closely, the following lines stood out:

…They passed me by, all of those great romances…
You were, I felt, robbing me of my rightful chances…
So I dealt you the blow…
One of us had to go.

Last summer I had, at one point, the intention to write an article about how my ego must have seen my situation, but the article remained unwritten. Now it felt as if the field itself reminded me of it — and at the same time, I sensed that the ego‑mind wanted to reconnect completely. It was reaching toward reunion.

I wrote an energetic interpretation of One of Us, describing my relationship with my rational ego‑mind. My rational mind never disappeared; it simply lost its dominance and its connection. As a consequence, the impulses from the brain could no longer reach the muscles. What remained active were only the parts that could align with the intuitive heart, and those became the foundation of my return. It wasn’t destruction, but reorganization — a reconnection in a new hierarchy where the heart leads and the mind follows.

They passed me by, all of those great romances >>> …those unrealized romances
You were, I felt, robbing me of my rightful chances >>> …by not appreciating the cheers of unknown men? Or not being deceived by appearances?
My picture clear, everything seemed so easy >>> …your short-sighted picture
And so I dealt you the blow >>> …and shattered yourself into a million pieces
One of us had to go >>> …with total disconnection
Now it’s different, I want you to know >>> Recognizing the big picture now?

One of us is crying, one of us is lying, in a lonely bed >>> In separation
Staring at the ceiling >>> looking inward
Wishing she was somewhere else instead >>> longing for a place she is already in, but cannot feel
One of us is lonely, one of us is only, waiting for a call >>> From where?
Sorry for herself, feeling stupid, feeling small >>> Must feel small looking through those shattered pieces…
Wishing she had never left at all >>> Actually you never left, only disconnected.

I saw myself as a concealed attraction >>> …all those unrealized romances…
I felt you kept me away from the heat and the action >>> …so you decided to disconnect from the real heart of action
Just like a child, stubborn and misconceiving >>> …like you are…
That’s how I started the show >>> breaking yourself…
One of us had to go >>> into the void, to disconnection
Now I’m changed and I want you to know >>> seeing the bigger picture?

One of us is crying, one of us is lying, in a lonely bed >>> Separated
Staring at the ceiling >>> looking deep inside
Wishing she was somewhere else instead >>> At home?
One of us is lonely, one of us is only, waiting for a call >>> … waiting for a call from home, not realizing she is already home
Sorry for herself, feeling stupid, feeling small >>> feels small looking through those fragments
Wishing she had never left at all, never left at all >>> You never left, only disconnected

Staring at the ceiling >>> looking deep inside
Wishing she was somewhere else instead >>> at home?
One of us is lonely, one of us is only, waiting for a call >>> From home? As if home were somewhere else.
Sorry for herself, feeling stupid, feeling small >>> In separation?

The Theatre of Life

A Story That Appeared at the Perfect Moment

When I spoke with Breeze about the ego’s love for creating dazzling, captivating sparkles, surrounding itself with colorful stories, and interpreting signs and symbols, a video appeared in my YouTube recommendations telling the story of Sammy and Kirka Babitzin. I am not commenting on the claims made in the video; I simply want to share the story here because it reflects so clearly the relationship between the ego and our true essence in the theatre of life.

Two Brothers, One Industry, Two Paths

Kirka and Sammy Babitzin rose to fame in Finnish music scene in the 1970s. Sammy was the older brother. As children they were a perfect pair. When they sang together, their voices were indistinguishable. But when they became famous, music producers separated them. The younger brother — the one with the more sparkling ego — got the contracts.

The Cost of Authenticity

Sammy was heartbroken and died seven months after winning a singing competition with his song Daa-da Daa-da. Officially it was a car accident, but the video hinted that something darker may have been behind his death. Kirka carried guilt over his brother’s death for the rest of his life.

Personally, I believe Kirka had the kind of ego‑spark that the music industry loves — the outward fire that people often mistake for the soul itself. It’s the kind of vivid, performative energy that looks like freedom in the conditioned 3D world, which made him easy for producers to shape as they wished. Sammy was different. He was genuine. The video said producers considered him ‘unstable,’ but I believe he simply wasn’t manipulable — he expressed his true self. And like with everything else in this world, that is the ultimate crime.

The Song That Mirrors the I AM Flow

Sammy’s winning song Daa-da Daa-da conveys the feeling of the naturally flowing energy of our true essence. It now reminds me of my intense car journeys and of how, when I immersed myself in German culture the summer before my stroke, I anchored into this pure I AM presence without feeling any need to control or steer the natural flow of life.

Alienation as Separation from the Self

For a long time, it was a mystery to me what did I actually discover during my time in Germany — why I felt as if life around me was unfolding on a stage. Only later did I understand that this “theatre” was not external at all. It was happening in my unconscious, on an energetic level. I had begun to clearly distinguish between the rational ego‑self and the intuitive heart.

This is what people refer to when they speak of alienation and separation: it is not primarily distance between people, but distance between a person and their own essence. When the ego becomes the only acceptable face, life turns into a theatre — bright lights and applause do not remove the deep sense of alienation that makes us feel lonely even among friends.

Stepping Out of the Theatre

In Germany, I stepped out of that theatre. I let things happen without control. And in that surrender, I met the part of myself that had never performed anything. After living half a year in this new reality, I found myself in a hospital, speechless and completely paralyzed. And from this zero-point state, I rebuilt my life, gradually integrating the parts of the ego that served the wholeness of my true self. When I became paralyzed, I did not lose anything of my real self. The universe stripped away the layers that had been optional all along.

No‑where: Rising Above Time and Place

My old photograph taken in 1977 has always given me the carefree Daa‑da Daa‑da feeling — that light, unhurried rhythm of simply being. In my first gallery I captioned it: “I am going No‑where.” At the time it felt playful. Now it reveals a deeper truth.

Wayne Dyer once spoke about this idea: we come from no‑where, and we are going to no‑where. Not as a negation, but as a reminder that our essence is not defined by destinations. In the space between arrival and departure, we are invited to rise above time and place — to rest in the awareness that is always here, untouched by the roles we play.

Now it seems that this reality was not new for me at all. It had always been here, quietly waiting behind the noise. I had simply lived on auto‑pilot within the conditioned 3D world, absorbed in roles, expectations, and the momentum of habit. But when I began to distinguish — even subconsciously — between the ego mind and the higher self, something shifted. A subtle clarity emerged. I started to see life from an entirely different perspective.

Neutral Essence of the I AM

Looking at the 1977 photograph beside this text, I remember a friend telling me decades ago that the smile on my face didn’t “reach the eyes.” At the time, the remark suggested that something was missing — that I lacked the spark. But now that comment reveals itself from a completely different angle. The smile that reaches the eyes — the one that creates wrinkles and emotional expression — belongs to the ego, the personality. But the I AM has a different gaze. It is neutral, steady, and open. It does not perform emotion; it simply exists. Its joy is not expressed through facial muscles but through presence itself. What once looked like an empty or distant gaze was actually the quiet neutrality of pure awareness, long before I had words for it. This is the observer state — the pure witnessing consciousness. And now, as this presence becomes embodied, the observer becomes the creator.

The Wonderful Lightness of Being

We learn from childhood that life is a struggle, money doesn’t grow on trees, and success requires sacrifice. But this is not actually true. Think of bay leaves: they grow without production costs, without processing. Farmers simply pick the leaves and sell them. We can approach everything with the same simplicity.

And there is another layer to this simplicity — the way life responds to our inner world. Cliff Richard once sang, “I’m gonna dream you right into my life.” It sounds romantic, but it points to something far more profound. Dreaming is not just imagination; it is participation in the quantum field. In the official video of Dreamin’, the mirror effect creates a sense of multiple realities folding into each other. It resembles our holographic universe, where consciousness dreams itself into form.

From Observer to Creator

When I began this blog a decade ago, I wrote from a place of pure observation. I saw myself from the outside, as objectively as possible, almost like a researcher studying a distant figure. That clarity helped me understand who I was, but it also created a strange distance — I became a stranger to my own inner world. Only now do I realize that this entire journey has been leading me toward the subjective experience of myself, the felt sense of the I AM. This is why I am linking back to the very first article I ever drafted, Who am I? It marks the beginning of the arc that is now completing itself: from observing myself to inhabiting myself, from watching life to creating it from within.

The I AM Presence

The I AM presence is just as simple — profoundly ordinary, needing nothing to lean on. It doesn’t require visions, symbols, or the luminous beings I once longed to dissolve into. It stands quietly in its own truth. From this grounded place, we simply stay aligned with our own truth, without taking on collective fears or inherited narratives about threatening energies. We can choose to live in our own coherence and integrity — not because we believe nothing harmful exists, but because it is not our truth.

When we understand this, dreaming becomes an act of creation. Not effortful, not forced — simply allowing the inner image to ripple outward into experience. A wonderful lightness begins to replace the old heaviness of striving.

Our Truth in the Unified Field

Our truth is a unified field of light and pure positive energy. It is intelligent and follows its own natural, universal laws. We connect everything that happens in the world to external, earthly matters. We blame politicians and decision-makers for global chaos. Hardly anyone considers that perhaps it is the intelligent quantum field itself that organizes conditions according to the principles of peace and coherence.

In this quiet recognition, the circle closes. What once felt fragmented is now one continuous presence meeting itself across time without effort or strain. I AM is not a peak to reach, but a home we return to each time we choose unity, clarity, and essence — the frequencies that create a harmonious world. The movement continues — a living current inviting us to inhabit ourselves more fully, to let the past integrate without force, and to step forward with the unforced confidence of one who recognizes their own light. Nothing is missing. Nothing has been lost. The reunion is already here.

At Home

We spend our lives looking outward for a place we can call home, not realizing that we have always been home. The only emptiness was the space we had not yet allowed ourselves to inhabit — the void waiting to be filled with our true self. In this 3D world, we mistake conditioned freedom for real freedom, but true freedom begins only when we live from our true self, from the unconditional spaciousness that has always been here.

And just as my mind now begins to fill the room in the featured image with my own presence, I see that home was never elsewhere — it was simply waiting for me to step fully inside.

ABBA’s song Move On mirrors the inner movement I feel now — the same current that once made me dance in 1977 and is returning to me today.

Where Joy Was Still Pure

For the 17-year old me dancing was pure joy — untouched by anyone else’s expectations or interpretations. It was movement for its own sake, a direct expression of presence. Only later did the joy become tangled with meanings that were never mine to carry.

What I understand now is that this return of joy is part of something larger. We are all being invited back to the clarity that was always here — the natural coherence that existed before we learned to interpret ourselves through anyone else’s lens. From that original spaciousness, our inner alignment becomes effortless. And from that alignment, we naturally radiate the peace and harmony we wish to see around us.

We cannot purify the world by absorbing its mischiefs.
But we can tend to our own inner field.
And when we do, our presence becomes its own quiet blessing — a signal of joy that needs no explanation, just like the girl who once danced for hours simply because the music moved her.