Refined Image of Myself
While drafting the previous article, I thought that I need to return to the version of myself that existed before the stroke. Even though I am aware that the five years after the stroke taught me more about life than the eighteen years before it, my rational ego‑mind has nevertheless constructed an image of me that is based mostly on my experiences after those five years and on my academic studies.
Yet the way my situation developed after those five years was based entirely on what I learned during the period when I had no obligations, no expectations, and no wishes — only the need to take care of basic necessities and whatever had to be done.
The universe had created the perfect conditions for me to reach my core: I was deeply grateful that I had a basic income, no obligations, no expectations, and not even any particular wishes that were not rooted in immediate needs. My only point of orientation was presence — the basic need arising from each moment and intention, and the common sense required to move things forward. The greatest reward of all was my gratitude for being able to act as I did.
Presence as Guiding Force
Even before the stroke, the basic tendency to meet life’s challenges with matter‑of‑fact calm was already present in me. One of my clearest childhood memories is from the SOS Children’s Village, when our foster mother woke us in the middle of the night as punishment for coming home late. When I stepped outside into the cool summer air, the scent of morning dew and the rising sun filled me with such unexpected gratitude that the punishment dissolved instantly. We found wild raspberries on a bush and ate them for breakfast. This incident came to my mind some years ago as I reflected on how we ourselves choose how to respond to life’s challenges and situations.
Losing both of my parents at the age of ten had already taught me that life’s difficulties do not automatically become suffering. They were simply part of the landscape I had to navigate, and I learned early to meet them with clarity rather than despair. This is why, in the 1980s, when disabled people debated whether suffering refines a person’s character, the premise felt strange to me. I did not experience my difficulties as suffering — they were simply the conditions of my life, and I met them with the same quiet clarity that had arisen in me as a child. The stroke did not create this attitude — it only deepened it.
I AM
It now feels unbelievable that less than two weeks have passed since the publication of the previous article, because those days contain several decades. I have consciously stepped into the state I was in before my academic studies. In the previous article we wrote:
“For I am both my source and destination. I do not need to seek spirituality in my life, for spirituality is my essence. My only expression is presence — here and now — aligned with the unified field. I am its intuitive operating system.”
When I wrote this, I thought people might assume I was trying to convince them — and myself — of something theoretical. Then Francis Goya’s Bright Eyes began echoing in my mind, and I remembered the years before my university studies. As I went through those memories, it became clear to me that the five years after the stroke have influenced who I am now more than anything else.
As Anchor
The doctrines I internalized in various schools have of course played a role, but the five years during which I lived practically at zero point, isolated from the rest of the world, shaped the soil whose vitality came from the source energy. It became my default state. Everything that happened after those years consistently expressed the unified field to which I had anchored — the source of manifestation.
The Five‑year Zero‑point Period
When I think of the time before my university studies, it feels almost unreal. I had lived about five years getting used to my new, physically limited self. I moved into my first own apartment two or three years after the stroke. I walked with a crutch at a speed of one kilometer per hour, and when I moved into my own place, I still couldn’t speak.
My apartment was a small flat in Katajanokka, Helsinki, a stone’s throw from the city center. From my balcony I could see the impressive profile of the cathedral. Sometimes its walls glowed golden against dark thunderclouds.
I shared the balcony, kitchen, and bathroom with a woman of my age. My room was less than 10 m², but to me it was the whole world. I felt I needed nothing more than a space where I could build my own kingdom. I wanted to keep all quarrelsome people outside my door.
I didn’t want to put myself in situations where I had to justify my actions or defend myself. I was an independent person, even though I needed help with some basic tasks. I refused help from anyone who, under the guise of helping, tried to manipulate me into compromising my independence or emphasized my dependence. This eventually led to the fact that I had to manage everything on my own.
Manifestation through Coherence
When my speech improved significantly, I began my studies at a Grundtvig people’s college in Finland. There I received contact information for similar schools in Denmark and in Bavaria, Germany. I applied to both. I planned to move first to Denmark, then to Germany.
I boarded a bus and headed to Denmark. I stayed there from September to December, then returned to Finland to spend Christmas with my sister. In my memory, that Christmas is a celebration of divine peace, light, and presence.
At the beginning of the new year, I moved to Germany. Again I boarded a bus and travelled via Stockholm and Gothenburg to Travemünde. The winter was very cold, and in my memory I sit in the bus at night, listening on repeat to Francis Goya’s guitar version of Bright Eyes. I watched the night sky, where a bright star seemed always to be ahead of our bus. Simply listening to the harmonious melody, wrapped in a warm blanket, felt so meaningful — as if listening to the melody itself was the purpose of life, and time shrank into pure presence.
That time was filled with endless walks in empty harbor areas. Sometimes there wasn’t a soul in sight, but I never felt lonely. There was only presence. No expectations, no tension, no hurry. I simply did what felt right. Everything seemed to fall into place without great effort. That period is extremely meaningful to me, because that is when my life truly began to move.
Practical Manifestation
It is clear that my small basic income (disability pension) was not enough to cover everything I considered necessary for moving forward. So I made it a habit to research funding sources for students and disabled people. Whenever I needed to move, pay tuition fees, or acquire books and other necessities, I sent a funding application to whichever organization I deemed appropriate. Sometimes I felt like a professional beggar, but describing my needs and goals clarified my own mind as well. Almost without exception, my applications were approved, and money never became a problem. Between 1985 and 1994, I received 100,000 old Finnish marks in grants from various sources. In 1994, I decided I had received enough financial support to complete my translation studies.
Abundance without Money
Manifesting money through grant applications began to feel too easy. In 1994, I decided I needed to find a more realistic way to create a sustainable financial foundation by earning money myself. Soon after, I received my first internship at the National Disability Council of the Ministry of Social Affairs and Health. However, earning my own money disrupted my finances so much that despite the income, my financial balance collapsed and took months to restore. After that, I have remained in abundance that does not require money.
Intuitive Interface at Work
The decades of disability are a direct manifestation of the state of mind that prevailed before the stroke. I have written about this in a negative sense: that the words of the hymn Great Divine Power created such a strong internal conflict that my façade collapsed completely. It was confusing because I had always felt that I received everything I wanted. I had not received everything I wished for, but everything that truly mattered.
I had never been ill, so the stroke — which pulled the rug out from under me and made me feel as if I had fallen into nothingness — did not fit the picture at all. But when I revisited the years after the stroke, even this “mystery” began to feel logical: before the stroke, my only sincere goal was to understand the forces upon which I could build a sustainable existence. The universe responded to this wish, which arose from my sincere heart. Over the decades, I have created a reality based on pure presence, which the storms and noise of this world cannot shake. In this respect, my intuitive operating system has functioned flawlessly.
Intuitive Synchronicity
This decades‑long manifestation probably appears to most people as normal development — unless one considers that with different attitudes and decisions, the outcome could have been entirely different. My story does not necessarily describe immediate manifestation as most people understand it. That is why I tell a story I once shared on Facebook, because it felt like a significant synchronicity.
I wanted to buy a recliner chair with a built‑in footrest. My younger sister had bought such chairs for her family years earlier. Her chairs were designed by an Italian designer, and she had paid thousands for them. For my pennies, that was far too much. I could only admire the ingenious design.
Until I saw a similar chair in the IKEA catalogue. Its price was 700 euros, which was still too much for me. “I can pay 350 for this,” I thought. The next day I felt a strong urge to go to IKEA to see what they had.
I found the chairs, and when talking to the salesperson, I mentioned that the price was still high. She advised me to check the store’s Outlet section to see if there was something suitable for me. I headed there.
In the middle of the area stood the same kind of recliner I had just looked at in the showroom. Its price was 375. “Not quite my price, but acceptable,” I thought. When I turned to the salesperson and mentioned my intention to buy it, he pointed to a large box in the middle of the area and said: “Buy that one! It’s the same chair as this, but it costs only 350.” I asked what caused the price difference, and he said: “The 375 includes assembly costs.”
When I came home with the chair, reality felt so smooth that I felt I could change the color of the chair if I wanted.
Manifestation through Dimensions
When I think about the manifestations of the past decades, I understand that the sphere of light I saw — which I wrote about in my 2012 article Foretaste of Forthcoming when I founded this blog — was one manifestation among many. At the time, I couldn’t make sense of what I had experienced, but intuitively I felt that the visit of an unknown entity was like a confirmation that my intention to focus publicly on aspects of spiritual growth and soul evolution had been noticed.
Intuitive Recognition
My way of meeting situations as they arise is also reflected in an experience I had in the early 1990s while studying in China. My credit card wasn’t working, so I travelled to Hong Kong to resolve the issue at a bank. As I was driving my electric wheelchair randomly through the city center, a young man stopped me and told me there was road construction ahead. I told him I was looking for a bank where I could withdraw money.
When we arrived at the bank, I noticed that stairs blocked my access inside. I explained the situation to this young man I had just met and handed him my passport and credit card — two documents most people wouldn’t dare give even to someone they know. He disappeared into the bank, and only then did I realize what I had done. I had placed complete trust in a stranger.
When he returned with my documents and the cash, it felt strangely self‑evident. Not because I had been naïve, but because I had intuitively recognized in him a frequency I could lean on. Later I learned that he — XiaoLei — had just returned from Australia, where he had studied finance. We spent the entire next day together.
On Energetic Level
That encounter was not a coincidence. It was an example of how life arranges itself when a person acts from their own inner coherence. It wasn’t based on goodwill but on an energetic response: two people’s frequencies resonated momentarily on the same level, and therefore cooperation was possible. When two people meet, they do not meet primarily as physical beings but as energy fields that either resonate or do not. The physical world — words, gestures, situations — is only the surface layer. The real meeting happens at the level of frequency, and it is immediate, before thought, before analysis.
XiaoLei took a photograph of me, and based on that image, artificial intelligence captured my essential nature. The picture reflects the gaze that emerges when a person begins to understand that the universe is working in their favor.
Our ‘Fake’ Images
This brings us to the digital avatar and the “fake” images people create of themselves. Many do not understand why anyone would want to create an “unrealistic” image of themselves, for example on social media. Hardly anyone thinks that my essence is my physical disability or the wheelchair I sit in. Yet some consider a blurry camera photo of me more “real” than an AI‑generated image based on the same photo with its details restored.
The fact is that an ordinary camera can capture only our shadow‑self on the surface level. I first began to think about this when editing photos I had taken of the pigeons nesting on my balcony. They all had beautiful yellow eyes, but in the photos they appeared grey. At first it felt wrong to edit the images. Then I realized I wasn’t distorting anything if I added to the picture what I actually saw.
Because in the end, it’s not about the shape of the nose, eyebrows, or cheeks, but about the energy the image conveys. Each of us has the most immediate connection to our own energy. We may not be aware of it, but our energy affects our lives on every level. When we begin to recognize ourselves primarily as an energy field, our reality begins to arrange itself accordingly.
Coming to Light
After publishing the second part of the Intuitive Interface article, I received a text message from my older sister, Kika. She sent me a photo of the tunic I described in the article and asked whether I missed it. In the article, I wrote that I don’t know what had happened to the tunic after I returned home from the hospital. I thought Kika might know, but we have had very little contact over the past decades, and I didn’t want to bother her with the question.
When I read Kika’s message, it felt unbelievable. We met the next day when she brought the tunic to me. Earlier, Kika told me she doesn’t follow my blog, so I asked her how she knew the tunic is now so meaningful to me. “Of course I had to read what I had stolen!” my sister said bluntly.
It is exactly her kind of humor, which I have missed for decades. The previous years as I spoke with Kika on the phone, her voice carried bottomless anguish. I felt that only a miracle from God could bring her back to herself. And there she stood: her humorous self again.
5D Avatar – Creating the Best Version of Ourselves
The tunic’s colors had faded into various shades of burgundy. Yet the original radiance is still visible when bright light is reflected onto the fabric. I will edit the photos I took of the tunic in Gimp, and will restore the original reflection of the colors.
I have now been thinking about what kind of voice my digital avatar should have. My own voice is probably still nasal due to my speech disorder, so I thought of using a voiceover. The voice needs to be unrefined, raspy, and evoke the sense that it rises directly from primal energy. That’s when the song He’s Got Magic by Noosha Fox began to echo in my mind — a song I listened to often as a teenager.
Video:
Bright Eyes